Posted by: coolerbecky | July 7, 2009

Transformers: Cool, but not Epic

The problem with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is not so much that it’s a terrible film, but it’s more that people expect far too much of it. Here is a very brief list of things that the movie will not do for you.

  1. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen will not come to your house and wash your dishes, clean the sink or feed the cat.
  2. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen will not bring you spiritual enlightenment.
  3. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen will not make you look fabulous for your first date.
  4. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a sequel and, like every other sequel in this universe, will not be as good as the first movie. I know that there are exceptions to this rule, but Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is not one of them.

Now that we’ve cleared the air of some misconceptions, let’s have a short list of what you should be expecting from the movie.

  1. There will be robots that can transform into cars.
  2. They will fight each other.
  3. There will be a lot of shooting and explosions.
  4. At some point, Shia LeBeouf and Megan Fox will be involved.

TF2SteelPosterThe second Transformers wasn’t actually disappointing, possibly because of my lowered standards of expectation. The storyline was quite far-fetched, but that’s to be expected since it’s a movie based on a cartoon series based on a bunch of nifty plastic toys by Hasbro.

The movie is set two years after the events of the first film as Sam Witwicky, the protaganist of the first film, prepares to leave for college. As he packs up his stuff, a quick accidental peek at the remains of the AllSpark downloads the information it contains into Sam’s brain, forcing him to start seeing strange symbols everywhere.

Many things have changed over the past two years, Optimus Prime and the rest of the autobots have joined up with a human organisation, NEST, to root out the remains of the Decepticons on Earth. The Autobots are joined by a few new arrivals – the Arcee triplets, three lovely motorcycles and a pair of twin mini cars, Skids and Mudflap.

Meanwhile, Megatron is revived by his loyal decepticons and with the help of his master, the Fallen, is looking to enact his revenge on Earth. Sam and the Autobots must uncover a secret that’s been hidden for thousands of years before the Decepticons finish enacting their wicked plans.

There’s also some really tiny, unimportant plot… thing… about Sam and his girlfriend playing some silly, childish game in which each tries to get the other to admit to loving each other first.

That’s enough of summarising the story, so let’s get straight to the point – the action. Now that was something to look forward to. Fast-paced and full of awesome explosions, the action was very beautifully choreographed with both sides pulling out some very impressive robot-fu. Some of it was a little hard to follow, though, as all the robots tended towards an uncanny similarity, so it was difficult to tell who was on which side.

To sum up, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was cool, but it wasn’t EPIC, like the first movie was. It’s definitely worth watching on the once big screen, if only for hearing the explosions in surround sound and getting a feel for how GIANT the giant robots are. Also, the theme song was by Linkin Park and is now being played non-stop on all mainstream radio stations, driving once-sane people off the deep end.

It was more or less more of the same, with the possible exception being that Megan Fox’s generous customer service should have their own billing. Seriously, the first time we see her character, she’s wearing tiny denim shorts and straddling a motorcycle in what can only be described as an incredibly provocative pose as she paints a little she-devil on it upside down, making it the first time that I’ve seen an auto-shop worker deliberately inconvenience his or her own work for the purposes of looking extremely sexy.

You can find out more about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen at the official website at



  1. Yes, but who cares about the plot? BRING ON THE ROBOTS!!!!

  2. You’re actually pointing out Megan Fox doing stupid things to look hot? IT’S MEGAN FOX. What did you think they were going to have her do?

    • You have a point.

      However, as a female watching the movie, I feel contractually obliged to at least say something about it.

      Besides, the movie could have used that extra screen time to show us MORE (and better) ROBOTS pounding each other.

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