Posted by: coolerbecky | June 24, 2009

How Not to Get Sacrificed Painfully – Part 1

In anticipation of those people in Beyond the Camera’s Lens finishing the translation patch for Fatal Frame: Mask of the Lunar Eclipse, Cooler Becky is pleased to present to you the handy-dandy guide of “How Not to Get Sacrificed Painfully”.

This week, part 1 – How to Identify if YOU are Going to be Sacrificed.

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Do you live in a secluded village in the far reaches of rural Japan? Are you worried that you might be sacrificed? Worry not, human sacrifices make up less than 1% of deaths worldwide today. Still, if a festival is coming up in your village and you’re concerned about your continued livelihood, you can use our handy guide to identifying if you’re the next intended sacrificial victim.

Just fill in the questionnaire below and calculate your score. Our helpful table of scores will assist you in identifying your sacrificial risk factor*.

SACRIFICIAL RISK TEST
Tick all that apply.

Part 1 – Place of Residence
Is your town or village…
( ) …highly secluded or otherwise cut off from the rest of the modern world (1 point)?
( ) …full of secret passages (1 point)?
( ) …regularly hold festivals that aren’t celebrated by the rest of the country (1 point)?
( ) …irregularly hold festivals that aren’t celebrated by the rest of the country (2 points)?
( ) …located over an abyss that is rumoured to lead to hell (14 points)?
( ) Do people visiting your village go missing with surprising regularity (1 point)?
Do you live in…
( ) …a huge mansion full of secret passages (1 point)?
( ) …a cage in the basement of a shinto shrine (14 points)?
( ) Are there a lot of restrictions as to where you’re allowed to go (1 point)?

Part 2: Culture
( ) Is your village run by a village elder instead of the government (1 point)?
( ) Is your family strongly traditional (1 point)?
( ) Did you play demon tag when you were a child (14 points)?
( ) Are you required to wear kimono all the time (1 point)?
( ) Is there something in your village that’s considered unspeakable or a secret (1 point)?

Part 3: Suspicious Behaviour
( ) Have you noticed suspicious behaviour among the village elders (1 point)?
( ) Does the village head often single you out for special treatment (1 point)?
( ) Do the village elders often whisper when you walk by (1 point)?
( ) Has anyone close to you urged you to run away for no apparent reason (14 points)?
( ) Has anyone in the village disappeared under suspicious circumstances, yet nobody is looking for them (13 points)?

Part 4: Personal Questions
( ) Are you female (1 point)?
( ) Are you a virgin (1 point)?
( ) Are you a shrine maiden (14 points)?

Add up the points for all the things that have been ticked. When you have your total, consult the Risk Factor Scoring Guide below.

—–

RISK FACTOR SCORING GUIDE

1 to 13 points – You’re just being paranoid, there probably is no risk whatsoever that you’ll be sacrificed in an evil ritual. Or… is there?

14 to 20 points – Again, you’re just being paranoid, but your village is kinda creepy.

21 to 40 points – Slight risk factor here. You probably aren’t going to be sacrificed in the next ritual because someone else has already been.

41 to 60 points – You may not be the next sacrifice, but you may be closely related to someone who is. Mind you, once she’s gone… they might set their eyes on you.

61 to 80 points – The next sacrifice is YOU. If you’re not suicidal, you might want to consider moving away from your town or village as soon as possible.

81 to 100 points – You are definitely the village’s next sacrifice. Unfortunately, if you’ve already reached this stage, you’re probably past the point of no return and won’t be able to escape your fate. Try to be less unwilling about being killed – it’s probably nothing personal and nobody really likes an evil possessed undead demoness haunting villages that they’ve destroyed. I heard that it’s really bad for your skin too.

If you are at risk and have less than 81 points, refer to Part 2 – How to Escape from Your Inevitable Fate.

If you are not at risk, but have somehow managed to end up in a haunted village, refer to Part 3 – How to Survive in a Haunted Village.

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You can find out more about the Fatal Frame series at Beyond the Camera’s Lens at http://www.cameraslens.com/.


*Actual risk factors not calculated, these results apply only if you live in the Fatal Frame video game series. If you are actually really concerned about your risk factor, you should get that calculated by an insurance agent.

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